The Pool Boy Cometh
by Illegitimi
Summary: Just a quirky little side fic to The Hidden Life of Morino Ibiki, in which Ibiki and Hiroshi go shopping for koi and find a little something extra...a crack fic for Movintarget and anyone else that loves Hiroshi as much as I do between ch37 and ch 38 .


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters contained therein, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto who is kind enough to let fans write fiction. I make no profit from this nor do I intend to.

**AN: **This is just a little side drabble to _The Hidden Life of Morino Ibiki._ It is also written for my cyber-goombah **Movintarget**, who is a little bit Hiroshi and a little bit Ren. Basically, the Ultimate Pool Boy. Hope you all enjoy it.

**The Pool Boy Cometh**

(Or better known as The Big Bamboozle)

The shop said **KONOHA KOI** over the front door in bright blue neon. The building was a bright yellow with red trim, and ivy clung to its sides. Konoha Koi was _the _place to shop for koi in Konoha (it was also the only place as well), and its fish were the best seen anywhere. Anyone who had koi in their ponds bought them here. When you walked into the shop it was like walking into an under sea grotto; special lighting and the sound of bubbling waters were the first things to hit your senses. The soft glows and the sound of the gentle flow of water was relaxing and inviting. Tanks lined two of the walls from floor to almost the ceiling, and they were filled with every size, shape, and color of koi. Swimming in the large tanks darted blood red scarlets, pristine whites, sunset golds, and midnight black fish. They were all well kept, healthy, and incredibly exquisite. They were also incredibly expensive. The average koi cost what a dinner for two at one of Konoha's better restaurants would run a person. Not only that, but as hardy as the carp were they were also high maintenance. Special food, plants, and water had to be given and/or maintained. Buying koi was a monetarily serious endeavor and commitment.

So when Ibiki decided to present Ayumu with a gift of koi he wanted to make sure that he did it right. He wanted to make sure that the pond would be able to sustain them, and he wanted to make sure that the fish he picked out would be ones that she really liked. When he bounced the idea off of Hiroshi he immediately became interested. He told Ibiki that they should go to Konoha Koi and talk to the owner and see what he recommended. Besides having top notch stock Konoha Koi also built, serviced, and maintained ponds – again for a top notch price. Hiroshi said that between their two personalities he thought that he could get the owner to come out for a reduced (or even possibly free)home inspection, and that way they could ascertain if even a koi pond was a possibility. If not, then it looked like hello rock garden here we come.

When Ibiki and Hiroshi were walking to the shop Hiroshi ironed out their plan of attack. He knew that 'consultation fees' would probably be costly and the money spent would be better spent on the fish and its accoutrement's.

"So, I think that our best plan of attack would be to play 'Good Cop'- 'Bad Cop', don't you think? I am obviously the good cop, and you can be the bastard. I know that it will be hard for you, but do try and not foul things up..." Hiroshi said with a deadly seriousness.

Ibiki rolled his eyes and jammed his hands in his pockets. Like when Ayumu was getting some hair-brained idea into her head the hair on the back of his neck was starting to raise. He had never really seen Hiroshi in action and he knew that he was in for some real shits and giggles. But he also knew that if Hiroshi was given an inch he invariably took a mile. The dramatist in him would not allow for anything short of a full on production. Ibiki had no clue as to where this was all going to lead to.

When they walked into the shop they were immediately met with a cheery young girl. She looked not only barely fourteen, but certainly not someone that could get them what they needed- a free home visit. In typical grand style Hiroshi swept passed Ibiki and the girl and looked around the shop with unabashed delight. He looked like a child in a candy shop, and who had just been given a free reign and no monetary boundaries.

"Oh Ibiki! Look at all the beautiful koi! I swear that I was in some kind of under water wonderland...how enchanting!"

Ibiki knew right then and there that it was not only a bad idea but a bad dream as well. He felt like he had just made the worst mistake of his life by asking Hiroshi to tag along. He felt like he was in his worst nightmare and shopping with Gai. If things progressed as he thought that they would he was planning on pulling the plug- and fast.

Ibiki just looked at Hiroshi with a dead pan look and walked past him, and also totally ignoring him as well. He walked up to one of the tanks and stared at the inhabitants. He tried to pretend that he had no idea who the simpering fool was that he walked in with. But there was no chance of that as he felt a hand firmly grasp his arm and pull him away. He turned to Hiroshi with a raised eye brow and was met by a stern look and fake smile on the man's face.

"Ibiki-kun, stop being so difficult and come over here. The young mistress has gone to get the owner – he will be helping us _personally_," and as Hiroshi turned to drag Ibiki away he was immediately stopped dead in his tracks. Being led over to them by the young clerk was the owner of Konoha Koi himself- Matsura Ren. Not only was Ibiki immediately forgotten but obviously their plan as well, as Hiroshi went from gushing and appreciative prospective client to man on the prowl in zero to sixty seconds flat. Hiroshi's whole demeanor changed. It was like Ibiki was looking at Hiroshi for the first time- as he had never seen _this_ man before. He was almost scary. When he took stock of the owner he could see why Hiroshi acted like he smelled fresh meat. It was because he did.

The Koi owner was about as innocent looking and acting as Ayumu. If he had to use one word to describe the man it would have been 'wholesome'. He looked as honest as the day was long and probably worked from sundown to sun up, and then went to bed early so he could wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed the next day. He was tall, broad shouldered, and his blonde hair was so blonde that it could almost have been considered white. Big, bright blue eyes and the whitest smile next to Gai's took over his farm-fresh face. Where Ibiki was almost stunned by the innocence Hiroshi was eating it up with a shovel, and even then he couldn't get enough.

"You're drooling Hiroshi, at least give the man a minute to catch his breath and put up a fight..." Ibiki whispered to Hiroshi. Ibiki didn't know if Hiroshi ignored him on purpose or just couldn't hear him, as engrossed as he was in sizing up this new delicacy.

The owner gave a proper bow, but it was tinged with just enough shyness to make it almost endearing. "Matsura Ren, at your service."

"Hamada Hiroshi at _yours_," Hiroshi said returning the courtesy.

Ibiki wished that he had been in front of Hiroshi because whatever look he gave the man must have been a doozy. The friendly look on Matsura's face slipped into something more uncertain, but it was the type of uncertainty that was tinged with a bit of thrill and excitement. Hiroshi must have come out the gates using everything he had. Oh well, if he wanted to take one for the team, he wasn't going to stop him. By the look of these prices they would need all the help they could get...

"Matsura-sama, we would be interested in your expertise on rehabilitating our – I mean _my_- koi pond. We just don't know where to begin..." Hiroshi said with wide eyes and his trade mark pout.

"Please Master Hamada, please call me Ren. I certainly don't deserve the -sama," Ren said with a shy smile.

"Nothing would _thrill_ me more...and you in turn _must_ call me just Hiroshi," he replied in a low voice.

Ibiki did his best not to roll his eyes and barf. Watching the two coyly dance around each other almost made Ibiki want to cover his face and laugh. Watching Hiroshi was like watching a snake charmer ply his trade. Hiroshi was like some exotic music that only Ren could hear, and Ren was totally enthralled by it. Hiroshi was turning into some sex kitten on a mission. Ibiki just stood back and watched the show. If there was one thing that could be said about Ibiki (and almost anyone would attest to it – especially his Ayu) it was that he loved nothing more then to maliciously fuck with people. He just couldn't help it, it was too much fun to see people pushed to the very brink of insanity. It was only when people were pushed to their very limit that their true selves emerged. So Ibiki watched and waited for the perfect time to throw a wrench in the cogs, and mess up Hiroshi's game plan. When he knew that it was the precise moment he pounced- he cock blocked.

Ibiki casually put an arm around Hiroshi's shoulder and drew the man in closely but firmly to him. He could feel Hiroshi tense up and saw the smile subtly turn from sexy to strained. He could feel Hiroshi try and push him away without it being too obvious. Inside Ibiki was laughing maniacally.

"'Roshi, maybe we should think more on this. Maybe this isn't what we really _need_..." Ibiki said in a low and husky voice into Hiroshi's ear.

"I have _no idea_ what you could _mean_..." he said through clenched teeth.

Ren immediately stiffened and looked to Hiroshi's companion. The man was intimidating to say the least. He hadn't realized until this moment who he was – Morino Ibiki. The scars and reputation proceeded the man. Everyone knew him, and at the same time no one wanted to cross him. Ren immediately backed down. His demeanor changed from obviously intrigued to obviously intimidated.

When Hiroshi saw that happen he all but threw Ibiki off of him. He tuned to Ibiki with a not so pleased look and ditched him right there in the shop. Hiroshi boldly took Ren by the arm and led him away from Ibiki, almost as if Ibiki was day old garbage and reeked to high heaven. Ibiki laughed and winked at Ren when he turned around to stare at him. It was then that Ren understood clearly that Ibiki was just yanking Hiroshi's chain. Ren smiled conspiratorially and nodded imperceptibly.

"Ah, Hiroshi- what about your friend? Shouldn't we-"

"Ignore him. He isn't anyone. In fact, he is nothing but my secretary- an underling at best. He is just here to carry my bags," Hiroshi said curtly dismissing Ibiki.

"I'm hurt Hiroshi...an underling? And after all this time..." Ibiki sadly shook his head and trailing behind the two men.

"But Hiroshi, I don't want to be rude to such a man. Who _knows _what could happen," Ren stage whispered to Hiroshi. He tried his best to act unawares, but it was a pitiful job. Luckily Hiroshi was getting too annoyed at Ibiki to fully see it.

"Just leave him- he's fine. Pay the man no mind- I never do..."Hiroshi looked to Ibiki with a warning and slightly frustrated look.

Ibiki was just getting warmed up, and could see all kinds of wonderful possibilities before him to annoy Hiroshi. "But Hiroshi- koishii- where are you going? Don't you _need_ me anymore?"

"No, and I never did..."

Ibiki had a stunned look on his face. "You never did? Are you telling me-"

"That I never did. Can't you get that through your thick skull?" Hiroshi snapped. He was in the process of getting all bunnied up. He was looking like he was getting ready to bounce Ibiki out of the shop any minute.

"You are so _cruel_ Hiroshi...is it over already?"

"Ibiki, how can something end that never began?"

"Never began? Hiroshi, are you telling me that-"

"That you're not my type. You're not gay." Hiroshi said with a curling of the fists and a slight glare in his eyes. Ibiki was starting to put a real crimp in his style.

"I'm not?" Ibiki looked confused and disappointed.

"Not unless Ayumu wears a strap on and you are on the bottom..."

Ibiki leaned forward towards Hiroshi with a look of wonderment on his face. "A strap on? Of what? They have those kinds of things? Why would I-"

"Ibiki..." Hiroshi was now looking at Ibiki with a predatory look, but it wasn't the sexy kind. It was the kind that spelled trouble. But trouble was Ibiki's middle name and more importantly how he made his bread and butter, so he paid it and Hiroshi no mind.

"A strap on? Is that like that 'flesh light' thing that you-"

"A flesh light? What's _that_?" Ren asked looking at Hiroshi with interest and confusion.

"Look it up-" Hiroshi said not even looking at Ren. He was fully squared off with Ibiki now. If Ibiki wanted to play this game, then two could play it just as well as one. If Ibiki wanted to see who could go the distance then he was going to give the man a run for his money. He hadn't been a juvenile delinquent for nothing...

He gave Ibiki a feral smile that showed just a hint of canines. Just as he turned from ingénue to sex kitten in a blink of an eye, he now turned just as fast into a big cat on the prowl. A big cat that was going to take down a bear.

"Oh Ibiki, I am beginning to question your common sense...This situation is not progressing in a mutually beneficial manner. You've had your chance, an now its _my_ turn. Your time is _over_, and now its all about _me_..." Hiroshi gave him a shark-like smile and a slight flare to his lips. When he saw Ibiki's eyes slightly tighten and the smile drop imperceptibly, he knew that he had hit the mark. Ibiki knew that he knew that it was the same thing that Ayumu had said to him when she had confronted him in his office that day. When she had thrown the gauntlet down at his feet. Hiroshi had swiftly cut the Interrogator down at the knees he thought smugly.

_The cheeky bastard_, Ibiki thought with no small amount of admiration. _So that's who wrote Ayumu's lines...I wondered where the fuck that all came from. Now I know...Ok pretty boy, here we go-_

Ibiki was a man who was confident in his own masculinity. Confident enough that he didn't care what anyone thought of him or his actions. He knew who and what he was. So it was with malevolent satisfaction that he sensuously stalked up to Hiroshi and stopped immediately in front of him. He left almost no room between them. Ibiki was at least a head and a half taller then Hiroshi, so his close proximity forced the man to have to raise his head to meet him eye to eye. Ibiki did nothing but wait until Hiroshi looked him in the face.

_Who does he think that he is kidding? _Hiroshi thought with disappointment. As smart and ingenious as he knew Ibiki to be he was like any other large or intimidating man – they invariably used their physical presence in some way or at some time or another to force an issue. Let him, he wasn't scared. If he could go up against the Head Mistress (and even the Hokage herself once) and come out the other end, he wasn't afraid of Ibiki.

Of course neither the Head Mistress nor the Hokage ever tried to plant one on his kisser- which was exactly what Ibiki was doing. Just as Hiroshi's eyes met Ibiki's he saw the evilest look that he had ever seen another human being give and then he felt large, strong hands grab him and pull him in. Before he could react Ibiki had hauled him in and slammed his mouth against Hiroshi's.

He kissed Hiroshi full on the mouth just until he could feel Hiroshi's arms start to raise, and then he just as quickly let go. Ibiki was met by two pairs of stunned and very turned on eyes. Ibiki did nothing but smile sadly and silently walk away. He walked out the shop and sat on the bench out front and just waited. Ibiki crossed his arms behind his head and sat back with a look on his face like the cat who ate all the cream.

It was the first time in Hiroshi's life that he was speechless. He was stunned and reeling. _Well, no wonder Ayumu lost her mind about Anko! I wouldn't let such a kisser escape my clutches as well, and that was probably on a minuscule fraction of what he gives her! Fuck, when she said that Ibiki's mouth should be made illegal, she really meant it..._

But being the consummate professional that he was Hiroshi was only tipped for a moment, and he immediately re-gained his footing. He turned to Ren with a bland and even bored look to his face.

He shook his head and sighed with pity and disappointment. Hiroshi casually righted his clothing and hair with the slight annoyance that cat would have after its fur had been petted the wrong way.

"Oh Ren, it is so sad to see people try and hop the fence and fall flat on their faces, and in public no less...Why can't people just be happy with who they are?"

Now Ren knew that he wasn't the most cosmopolitan of men. He knew that he wasn't wise to the workings of the world, or even most people. Ren had spent his whole life immersed with his fish and gardens. Their tranquility and grace were his single comfort and joy. As much as his business took him out and about Konoha, it really wasn't anything more then to visit other tranquil gardens and ponds. His human interaction was really only limited to their customers. He was a quiet and solitary man who kept to himself most times. Until this moment. Until this man walked into his shop and into his life. He felt a pull towards Hiroshi like nothing ever before.

Ren knew that Hiroshi and Morino weren't in any way linked together sexually. They weren't even of the same sexual persuasion (_that _much he could figure out), but to see the two go toe to toe in some mysterious show down sparked something within Ren. He had never before been witness to such a thing. He wasn't totally naïve or innocent, but he certainly wasn't experienced- not by a long shot. He had only had one other lover and that hadn't lasted too long. Ren's reserved nature hadn't been thrilling enough for his lover, so he had been unceremoniously dumped. But when Hiroshi looked at him like he was a rare and precious koi he couldn't help but want more. Not only that, Hiroshi was like one of those lizards that changed their color to suit their environment. Ren and seen Hiroshi long before Hiroshi had seen him. Ren watched Hiroshi from the back of the shop almost from the moment that he had walked in. He had watched in fascination as the man slid from one persona to another. Ren wanted to see what truly lay under the guises that he had been presented with. But more importantly though, he couldn't help but given in to this siren's song and see what possibilities might available.

When Hiroshi walked out of the shop fifteen minutes later he found Ibiki sitting with his eyes closed and just basking in the sun. He also had a smug grin on his face. Hiroshi couldn't help but let his own smile creep up on him. He couldn't help it, he just liked Ibiki too much to ever be really annoyed with him. They were the same side of the same coin.

Ibiki slowly opened his eyes and looked over at Hiroshi, and gave him a snarky grin. Hiroshi answered it with one of his own.

"Honestly Ibiki, why Ayumu puts up with you sometimes is way beyond my ken..." Hiroshi said shaking his head.

"So? How did it go? You get a date?"

Hiroshi put an affronted look on and squared his shoulders. "How crude Ibiki, did you think that was all I was after?"

"Well, It looked like we weren't playing the 'Good Cop-Bad Cop' anymore, but 'Jealous Boyfriend and Floozy'- I just went with the flow." Ibiki shrugged his shoulders and looked at Hiroshi with a sad parody of innocence.

"Floozy? Since when have I _ever_ been a floozy? I like to think of myself as an epicurean or gourmand. Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."

Ibiki waved his hand and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, so what did you get for us?"

"Get for you? Nothing in fact. What I _did_ get was a free consultation and a dinner invitation for _me_." Hiroshi looked smug, pleased, and very excited.

"Atta boy – that poor man has no idea what he is in store for...He's practically staked out on the ground spread eagle and coated with honey." Ibiki laughed and stood stretching. He popped a few joints and fell into step with Hiroshi as they made their way back home.

They walked in companionable silence for a few moments, and Hiroshi looked deep in thought. He finally turned to Ibiki with a quizzical but understanding look to his face.

"Ibiki, not that I never could see what you found attractive in Ayumu- I certainly know that she is worth it, and I am more than happy to know that you know it and appreciate it as well. But I think I _really_ see what captivated you to her from the first moment. I think that I now know myself what it was..."

Ibiki raised a brow and smiled. "What might that be?"

Hiroshi turned to Ibiki with a serious and solemn look. "Innocence. There is nothing more appealing, attracting, or captivating then innocence to those who are as cynical and jaded as the two of us."

Ibiki smiled and nodded, saying nothing. It was the truth. Ayumu's innocence was like a refreshing balm to Ibiki's soul. She could wipe away a bad day or mood in the blink of an eye. He had been pulled towards her from the very first, and it was something that he had had no control over. Ayumu wasn't innocent to the point of being absurd or annoying- far from it But she was enough to keep him from falling into the abyssal. She was his tether to sanity sometimes.

"What makes you think that we are as cynical and jaded as you claim?"

Hiroshi looked to Ibiki with a big smile on his lips and a leer in his eyes. "Because we both know what a flesh light is..."

The two men made quite a sight as they walked the streets of Konoha. Not only were they as far apart physically, socially and professionally as two people could get, but they were laughing uncontrollably together. Like the two miscreants that they were their laughter was deep, dark, and slightly dangerous. But it was now also tinged with a sweet lightness, a small amount of purity that could have only been brought about by innocence.


End file.
